Somehow...
i'm not feeling good...
ECH failed...
Chinese Courses also a NO NO to me...
sigh... now i only left nursing...
my last hope...

i start to feel...
that i gotta accept my fate...
sad yah?
damn sad...*sigh*...
was told by my colleagues that i'm able to choose my citizenship when i'm 21...
coz i'm born in Singapore mah...

i'd rather be a Singaporean for God Sake...
sigh...
i'm not a stupid gurl...
i'm not a gurl who dun like my family...
they dun treasure me...
but i do...
but i only can treasure them secretly...
telling them i love them or treasure them will only get a..
" for show one right?" reply...

what for...
make myself mad and sad and cry only...
my tears precious one k...
u think wat...
wash plates ar...
sigh...

If i really can't get into any place in any poly...
i'l have to leave Singapore...
I want the remaining days to be happy days for us...
he said he wil wait for me...
i hope he can perservere...
really hope...
900 gurls in NUS surrounding him...
damn those gurls...
plz dun seduce my husband...
sighz...

if i really have to leave...
i want him to have happy memories only...
so i'm trying my best these days not to get mad...
to give in to him...
to give him what he wants...
and take all his nonsense....
if i really have to go...
i only have a pathetic one month left with him...
one month...
thats abt 31 days....
but we're both working...
thats means we have about 294 hours together...
sighz...

i dun wan to leave him...
i nid him...
w/o him how to slp..
how to eat...
i noe sound very fake...
sure eat when hungry...
but the feeling is just diff right...
i eat not for the sake of eating anymore...
i dun eat eat with a happy mood anymore...
i can't slp as peacefully as i used to anymore...
no one to 'sayang' me anymore...
i cannot 'sai nai' to anyone anymore...
i can't have heart talk with anyone anymore...
no more outings...coz i won't have the mood...
no more laughter in my life...
no more misery nor happiness...
coz i'l be numbed by the cruelity of REALITY...
to me...
if i have to live like dat...
i'm juz behaving like a walking dead...
if it's that so...
Why dun juz...
let me end my journey...
why refuse to let be go...
why...

===LingYi===